passion?

as i near the end of my college career i face many “life changing” decisions

i mean really…why do they need to be classified as “life changing”  i am just not sure iam buying in to that.  yes i under stand this will be my first “real job” BUT i am just not sure.

granted i will have a 4 year degree (which iam pretty proud of) i am not sure i want to have anything to do with sociology.  UGH

i honestly have no idea what i want to do with my life. i just dont know.  it really confuses me when some people know exactly what they want to do with their life.  like really…really?  iam 22! there is no way i know what i want to do with the next 40 years of my life. that just is boggeling my mind. 

as much as i really dont want to do anything with sociology, i was reminded today of why i went into this field.  i was at work today…courtesy-ing…and there was a man in the line i was working at.  i could tell he was deaf but did not think to much of it since it is pretty common in the area.  he started writing out a check…and then stopped after he wrote out the name and the numbers in the box, he pulled out a piece of paper that had every number on it from 1-150 in digit form and then behind it had it written out….like this….22 - twenty-two.  this BROKE my heart…like i seriously teared up.  i just wanted to hug the man. i know that sounds really lame, but REALLY.  it made me want to break down. 

daily we (at least i) take for granted how seriously blessed i am.  i mean YES i do have my own set of problems, but i can read, i can hear, i can write, i can speak, i  can walk, i can function as a “normal”  ( i dont think i like that word, it seems RUDE to me) human being.  and yet daily i take all of that for granted, i dont even think about the fact that there are people out there who cant do those things, and they daily struggle just to figure things out. 

so from all this something triggered in my mind…the question iam facing tonight is…what is my passion? that is a really hard question for me to answer.  i know that i was placed in this position in order to impact other people, but i dont think iam doing a good job at that.  the one thing that upsets me more then any other issue in the entire world is how disabled people are treated. BUT when iam faced with  a person like this right in front of me, i turn into a stone and am terrible at dealing with them.  i feel insufficient and like what i can do for them is never enough.  BUT if this is the thing that really gets me, is this the field i need to go into?  i mean really…this issue makes me more upset then orphaned children ( and that issue makes me REALLY upset to)  but when i deal with the issue of disabled people i tear up almost EVERY time. 

so…where does this leave me?  confused…that is for sure. 

i wish i could understand this one…but for now iam just going to have to have a little faith. 

Romans 8:28  - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, whohave been called according to his purpose.

so

ok. SO. i feel like i really need to post something. 

BUT i feel like i have nothing to say.

this past week was a challenging one…but i survived, which surprises me.

so now here iam. living at Ambers house.  my husband away in Iowa. with 2 weeks of classes left until i graduate from the big house.

iam ecstatic to graduate.

but i know that i will really miss college

which is wierd, becuase most of the time here i have hated it, but regardless, i will miss it

i will miss my friends, i will miss kansas

WOW did those words just come from my mouth?

I will MISS kansas?

AH that is a scary phrase right there.

i dont think that it is really kansas that i will miss. it is what i have built in kansas

the 4 years that I have now spent in kansas have been a serious roller coaster.

in all ways.  but i think in the end i have become a….um…stronger person.

i sure as heck still dont know who i am…but i think that is a life thing, not a college thing.

so as for that i will keep learning, and keep trying to understand.  i think there are times in my 4 years that i have had a seriously good grasp on who iam, but then i look around and iam like who am i tricking, iam still lost.  but i am not sure i will ever figure it out.  seems like a mystery to me!

i wish i could write more, but right now i feel like i really cant….

We put out the closest fire to us to get to the next one

We put out the closest fire to us to get to the next one

all things considered...iam doing just fine

WELL WELL WELL….this week has been ANYTHING but relaxing….

it started…LAST thursday with Mr. D’s car refusing to start. (no biggy right, this happens alot to us)  so i took him to work and came home and did what i had to do.

well we had a friend come out and look at the car, and when i mean look i mean 4 hours of searching, along with another nice ma the apartment who joined..all they came up with is…”weird”  YEAH.  great right.

So we decided our best option, (and lowest stress level), would be to forget about the car and get it towed to iowa. 

So we are currently a one car family.

Mr. D’s father comes TOMORROW (YES THURSDAY), with a trailer to pack up all our stuff and haul it to iowa, so the apartment is a MESS, and i still dont even know what needs to be packed.

AND if that is not all enough, o yeah i have a job and go to school full time.  BAHHHH

All week i have been dreading this stupid research paper i have due wednesday (YES THAT IS TODAY)  i have been trying to figure out how to write an 8 page paper about something there is…NO information on.  well tuesday came and i had…2 pages done.  we have our normal tuesday night softball…which i was HOPING would be rained out so i could maybe get some more paper done…but no.  we had games at 8:30 and 9:30, which we got stomped in, but hey it was fun, and i only got injured once, and it was NOT even my fault.  (aka i was running home and a line drive nailed me in the shin) bruise fest.  at least there is no blood and scabs like normal ( i mean my last one finally healed so i could shave my legs again)

So we finish the softball nonsense and head home….i worked my BUTT off to get that paper done and was in bed by 1! HOLLA!  now iam running on 5 hours of sleep (which is NEVER enough for me)  so now i have 3 classes left today (one of which i give a presentation in) and then it is home to FINISH packing up our first home…

THEN it is PARTY TIME!!!! our work is having a going away party for us!(in all honesty i think it is more for Mr. D,  i just happen to be a little bonus)  for realz.  so we will see how the party goes, then an 8 hour pushing carts shift for me tomorrow.  followed up by packing boxes into the trailer and cleaning the apartment. 

Friday my brother is coming down to get the car and then off to iowa it is for Mr D and tater.  i will be without them for 2 weeks, and let me tell you…iam NOT excited. but we will see how that goes.

luckily i have an awesome possum best friend who is letting me stay at her house (much against her husbands will…jk…he loves me to…HAAAA)

but that is the current week of messiness right now. 

also yesterday i wrote out a list of everthing that i need to accomplish for classes in the 2 weeks before i graduate.  it has approx 15 things (assignments, papers, presentations…you name it)

ALL IN ALL i think i managed to actually look decent today all things considered.

where iam from

just in case any one is confused…i will go ahead and explain to you why the name of my blog is the front pew.
well…i had been contemplating for a long time what to name this…thing.
everyone i know always has creative names…so i was at a loss as where to go with mine.
i wouldnt say that iam really that creative
but almost every time i get in the car i hear the song “where iam from” by Jason Michael Carroll.
and it just makes me smile.
just in case you havent heard it here is the chorus

“I said I’m from the front pew of a wooden white church
The courthouse clock it still dont work
Where a man’s word means everything
Where moms and dads were high school flings
Gave their children grandmothers maiden name
Yes it may not sound like much
But its where I’m from”

and that is the truth….
1) yes i did go to a wooden white church in the middle of the country
2) well ok my town doesnt even have a court house
3) i trust what people tell me around there
4) most people really do meet in high school and marry that person (i sure did)
5) my grandpas middle name is his grandmothers maiden name :)
6) it really doesnt sound like much
7) but that is where iam from

another part of the song says this - -
“Where the quarterback dates the homecoming queen
The truck’s a ford and the tractor’s green
And Amazing Grace is what we sing
Well there’s a county fair every fall
And your friends are there no matter when you call
Yeah It may not sound like much but it’s
Where I’m from”

1) not totally true…but close. (basketball is bigger than football)
2) i like dodge, go green
3) i grew up in amazing grace
4) country fair ever….summer!
5) truth
6) doesnt sound like much
7) that is where iam from

So all in all….this blog is meant to be “the front pew” into my life.

that is where that comes from.

when i was growing up, i can say that i didnt always enjoy the farm life, but now having lived in a “big city” i totally crave the farm life again.
i wouldnt say that i want to wake up at 5 am again to do chores every morning, but heck i would!
from about the age of…8?…i was in charge of all our baby calves. we would buy steer (male) calves from dairy farmers (so yes katelyn, most were holestein) and we would raise them out to sell for meat. For a long time i hated the tasks that this required. but you learn to appreciate it.
all in all my animals became the loves of my life.
my major love was Dallas.

that is my baby.
the summer after my junior year of high school i spent almost every day with this little guy.
we went on walks, i bathed him, and sometimes we just hung out and took pictures all afternoon. (ok yes i know that to most people this just sounds totally LAME, but i loved him.
that summer i also had another baby, her name was katie

that is her and dallas together
now usually i would raise a calf then have to sell it at about a year, dallas was different. my dad knew i was in love with Dal, and very kindly kept him around. (this makes for not nearly as good of meat) so when i was home from college on summer break (dal was about 2 and a half at this point) my dad came up to my room looking quite upset, he told me that he thought it was time we sold dallas. lets just say i was not happy. but we did just that. (the only benefit to this is the money made from selling him was put in an account to help fund my wedding) but really, still not cool.

me and dal the summer we sold him
so that is the story of my baby, feel free to laugh, or think iam totally lame, but i loved that little guy!

i have enabled it so you can picture reply to this post, if you want, feel free to post a picture about your favorite pet :)
dueces

the first

so…i guess this is technically my first blog post.

the question at hand is why “waste” my time writing random “crap” about myself.

do i not have better things to do?

that is hard to answer.

i love writing

always have

always will

but ok really…my hand writing is awful, and typing is 1000 times faster.

i do believe that when i type, i do not process as much. 

so really i write more random, with what ever comes to my brain.

also on a blog, people can read it, unlike my secret diary in high school, that i carried with me everywhere and no one read it.

i guess people can read this.

but who will?

also i find that this can be a way to stay connected with people and a way to let them in on my life….always a good thing?   UH prolly not. 

there are some things i really dont want people to know….and there are somethings that i really would write in my “secret diary” that people dont need to now.  but now i guess iam going public with it.  laying it all out.

i dont think i will really give this link out to everyone….no facebook posts about it.just people i think need to stay in touch with me will know. 

and i guess that is the way it will be done, SO if you are reading this and i did NOT tell you to “GO READ MY BLOG”…..then consider yourself LUCKY, you are now in on the life of me.    you prolly dont know me…but we can now be friends and you will learn everything you dont want to know about this girl. 

feel free to leave questions comments…anything really.  i am down.  just know…this may get weird, this may be uncomfortable, and this may be on a level that you do not understand (seriously, iam a complex human being)  ((i mean what can i say, iam a girl(although i dont always claim that))

so…sit back, relax, and ENJOY

this picture is UBER UBER old, but it explains how random and crazy i really am

I am now 22